Category Archives: personal

Evidently It’s Not Just a Game

A local opinion writer recently had a piece published advocating for a third sports gender category to consist solely of transgender athletes. He offered this suggestion as a way to create ‘fairness’ in sports competition and to ostensibly soothe the angry and indignant arguments that currently dominate the issue. On the surface, it is not an unreasonable suggestion although I’m not sure it is the best idea or even all that good. It is not the first time I have heard this possible solution.

There are things about this suggestion that trouble me. First, there is the implication that all trans athletes are equal. When this topic is discussed it is always mentioned that M to F (Male to Female) trans athletes have a physical advantage over athletes who were female at birth. But not all trans people were male at birth.

Second, many different genetic combinations having to do with sex and gender are present in varying humans. The physical characteristics and abilities of those born male or female are not dualist. Rather, as with most human characteristics, there is a spectrum of traits and abilities spread over a continuum of all people, not necessarily strictly related to the concept of two and only two sexes and genders.

Finally, in this scenario, F to M (female to Male) trans athletes seem to be left out of the discussion entirely. Not all trans people are M to F and those born with female anatomy who identify as men and take action to become men physically need to be recognized as not only real men but real athletes. Where is their category?

To follow the logic behind the concept of three categories these F to M trans athletes should be less capable athletically than those who were male at birth. If this is true, to be truly fair, shouldn’t there be at least 4 categories of athletic competition? Is trans athletic competition only an issue if the transition leads to dominance? 

The exclusion of F to M trans athletes from this conversation is humiliating. Trans people and trans athletes face enough discrimination as it is and certainly do not need any more fear piled on their already hyper-stressed heads.

When a person transitions from their gender at birth to that in their mind, heart, and soul my guess is that they are fully prepared to compete against others of their chosen gender regardless of their birth physicality. This is not a cut and dried, black and white issue. Frankly, there are people born as men who are good athletes and those who are poor athletes. This applies to those born as women as well. I recall something about a tennis player named Billie jean King. 

There is a level of legitimacy to the argument that M to F trans athletes, in general, have better physical abilities than those born female. But the argument that men who choose to transition to female do so only for the opportunity to excel at women’s sports is patently ridiculous. Why would a man who knows he is a man become a woman to win medals and then face years of regret after their sports career is over? It’s absurd.

This is not an easy topic to parse as there are strong opinions held by many. For my money, we should let the athletes decide how to work out this controversy, not parents or politicians. I think we all know this conflict will be difficult to reconcile. But I feel that allowing those who participate to decide will be the closest to fair that we, as a society, can get.

Just the opinion of a cisgender old white man.

Contradictions. Or Contradictions.

There are a limited number of basic and meaningful things that happen in a human being’s life. There is nothing in this world that we can name that is infinite. Excepting perhaps infinity. The only thing that makes life limitless is the fact that it is limited. A relationship can be concurrently both absolute and relative. Herein we will be discussing contradictions, seeming and otherwise, and what they mean to us.

As we mature we find that life is not so complicated as we may imagine it. We are all prone to experience any or all of existence’s aspects, regardless of our particular viewpoint or place in life. These experiences can be felt as individually unique and separate from other people’s perceptions and consciousness. Or they can be known to be individualized, but related, experiences of those finite and essential human flavors. These states of being have infinite permutations. Our first contradiction.

Although not so complicated, life is never totally clear, cut, and dried. In the words of Winston Churchill, people’s and nation’s intentions are often “A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma”. Life is full of these irreconcilable contradictions. What may be assumed to be an individual experience can subconsciously be informed by a group narrative and what may be thought of as mutual can in reality be simply an imagined commonality. Both of those points of view originate in obvious flaws, of thought, perceived reality, or ignorance. They can also come from the skewed views of normal unique to one’s family of origin.

A primary subconscious influence that distorts our perceived reality is the concept of privilege. Privilege is nearly always invisible to its owner. Its contradictory nature stems from the fact that it is a reality that distorts their perception of reality. The distortion, oblivious to the owner, all too often leads to the oppression of the unprivileged by the unaware, privileged soul.

People feel their privilege is normal because its subconscious nature is hidden. Its stark dividing of people from what should be shared humanity creates chasms unseen by the oppressor but painfully obvious to the oppressed. Sadly, there is nothing one can do to escape their privilege. And there are numerous kinds of privilege one carries, white, male, cisgender, and others, too many to name here.

Privilege is defined by what we are and not who we are. One cannot talk away or take away what someone is. But through love and education the privileged person can change who they are. There are many different types of ‘who’ that we can be, from artist to attorney, from republican to recluse, from self-conscious to self-aware. And there are many ‘whats’ as well, from British to blind to black to a baby. Anyone can be a ‘who’. An artist or CEO or homeowner can be black, Catholic, rich, poor, Danish. But only a white person can be white. That is a ‘what’. In essence ‘what’ is exclusive, and ‘who’ is inclusive.

Now, one might object, saying that an artist is a ‘what’, and thus exclusive. The taste test here is if others can profess to be artists. If there is the opportunity for inclusion, that is a ‘who’. If there is no opportunity for inclusion, that is a ‘what’. Only people with blue eyes can have blue eyes. It is an exclusive club. Regardless of who we are or profess to be the only ‘what’ that we all share is being human. Our only universally shared privilege is human privilege. We would do well to understand that human privilege does not guarantee that we will remain at the top of the food chain forever. We are not the end-all and be-all of existence.

As humans we all share many qualities. All humans are born with umbilical cords. Now that I think of it, all humans were born. All humans want to love and be loved. All humans want to be happy and have meaning in their lives. We all think and make decisions and worry and laugh. There are so many things we have in common. They are so basic as to be taken for granted and not considered as things that bind us together, small creatures on a small planet in a small galaxy in a vast multiverse. To awaken to these facts and embrace them is a step in the direction of successful human interaction.

Our differences color our world and allow for the precious contradiction of life itself. Christians tell us all humans are in the body of Christ, many into one. Hindus say that God multiplies himself infinitely, and every individual human is a part of God. We recognize the various colors on a TV screen as being different. But if the screen is entirely red we do not see any differences even though there are thousands of individual pixels. It’s easy to see differences and often difficult to see similarities. One thing for certain, when we are being born we are all the same and as we die we are all the same. What makes us think we are completely separate creatures while we are in between the two? We are all the same yet all different. A most sublime divine paradox. It is this contradiction that is the engine of a life that can contain both mystery and misery, both freedom and boredom. 

Life is not static. It moves. For life to move there must be different places. For there to be different places there must be different spaces and for each individual to exist they must occupy their own particular space. Two of us cannot occupy one physical space at once but any of us can occupy the same mental or spiritual space at any given time. Different and the same. How we can be one and many at the same time is a powerful contradiction, a mystical puzzle we can never solve. It is this paradox of time/space that we strive to answer all our lives, whether we know it or not. 

We all seek out differences to legitimize our own individuality but we also know in our deepest hearts that the things in life that truly matter are the things we all share, like family, and, hunger, and desire. I love being just like you. And I love being just me. Remember, there is a balance to life. If you won’t recognize me, I don’t have to recognize you. If you don’t respect me I won’t have to respect you. I grow weary of spending so much energy disliking people. I already love everybody, but if we are to like each other we must work together. We must love each other.

Love is the Alpha and Omega. If we can recognize and respect the love in each other it will go a long way toward making it acceptable to not like each other. And when it is acceptable to not like each other, because of the presence of divine contradiction, it is much easier to actually discover we do like each other. Regardless of what and who you are, when you occupy space in this world you create the boundaries for a place I can occupy. But it is all one space. And it is ours to enjoy.  

For this I am grateful.

St. Cloud MN: My Take

Here’s the headline: 

NYTimes article sets off firestorm, puts St. Cloud MN under the microscope of refugee resettlement controversy. 

I’m thinking the main characters in this tragedy are all bound to the wall of the cave, only able to see the shadows from the fire burning brightly in the background. Only seeing the shadows and not the substance. I cannot claim to have been released from bondage myself but I have seen these shadows often and for many years.

I have shot from the hip regarding controversial public issues for a very long time. These days I’m more inclined to reflect before I say anything. And I believe in this instance my hesitation has served me. The shadows are familiar and clear enough.

This latest hot button item is local but made the front page of the NYTimes and subsequently plenty of local and regional media outlets. We are on the map now, an example of a national phenomenon that while always bubbling underneath the surface has recently surfaced in all its ugly glory.

Not inclined to reveal too much about myself personally, probably out of some form of cowardice, I nevertheless have a need to say something about these events, numerous opinions, and rants circulating about my hometown, St. Cloud MN. My commentary about this narrative is pouring out of my consciousness only. It should not be construed as any sort of absolute truth. But it is my truth and I stand by it.

The controversy: St. Cloud and surrounding area has a long history of white supremacy, racism, religious discord. And recently, islamophobia, anti-immigrant and anti-refugee sentiment. It has been called White Cloud and it has often been assumed this demeaning kind of people were in the majority.

I’ll start with what might be seen as unrelated background noise. I think it speaks volumes. I haven’t heard it brought up in relation to the solid foundation of this problem, a should be condemned building, whose cornerstone is more than mere white supremacy.

St. Cloud and most of its metro area rest in Stearns County, a place that has been the subject of plenty of rumors, conjecture, myth, and controversy over the years. It’s residents have been accused of enough socially unacceptable behaviors to blanch the skin of any god fearing soul. But I need to deal with facts, and the fact is the area was settled in the mid 19th century, primarily by German Catholics.

Across the street from the church that was the central nervous system of the hamlet was a single building, a combination bar and grill, city hall, police station, and a jail that mostly served as a reckless driving overnight hotel and drunk tank. Young boys were said to buy beer pretty much as soon as they could reach the bar top with their money. As the sheriff was normally a favorite son his head was turned the other way from many of these ‘minor’ transgressions. 

Were I to use one word to describe these settlers it would be parochial. They kept to themselves and lived much as they had in Germany, preserving their culture and rituals. The unusual thing about these settlers is they preserved their cultural norms and traditions much longer than most other immigrant cultures. Very few ever ventured beyond their township. They married from trusted, neighboring farm families, with eventually all in the enclave related somehow. They maintained their language and spoke it at home and in the community, rarely needing to use English unless they nervously ventured to the ‘metropolis’ of St. Cloud for some needed item. For many that was as far from home as they ever ventured.

Their mistrust of any except their own meant a fierce protection of their ‘turf’. Outsiders were quickly shown they were not welcome. Granted, this was more out of fear of the unknown rather than true malice aforethought. Seen from some on the outside there was a perceived innocence there that led them to find the folks of these communities ‘unique’ and ‘folksy’, as long as you left them alone.

So this micro environs stayed pretty much the same for the better part of a century. Assimilation was not really on the menu. To whit, here is a personal example. At a St. Cloud high school in the mid 1960’s I fancied a beautiful young woman and asked her for a date. She had soft blonde hair and warm eyes and spoke in an interesting clipped consonant style. 

When I picked her up it confirmed my suspicion that she lived on a farm in Stearns County. Her whole family spoke with that clearly German accent. They all looked at me warily. I later learned her parents were reticent to let their daughter to go out with that ’St. Cloud city boy’. I also learned that she had spoken only German in her home until she went to elementary school and basically had to learn English on her own, at five years old.

Slowly, over the years, the youth of the area began to venture out into the world, mostly to St. Cloud. Some wild risk takers settled all the way to the wicked Minneapolis. As St. Cloud began to grow its base population was largely these German and other Catholics, mostly Poles. St. Cloud at this time was @70% Catholic. These are the people who now have been here for several generations. Their turf is now St. Cloud. They protect their turf. They still fear and don’t trust outsiders.

I must admit that my assessment of these things is purely opinion and there is a real chance I am wrong about some things. But the essence is true. For decades these German settlers and their descendents remained isolated, holding dear their old world cultural traditions, language, their mistrust of strangers, and fear of the unknown. 

The irony in all of this is that many of those who oppose refugee resettlement and secondary immigration accuse the Somali Muslims of the same things their relatives and friends did for so many years just miles away. Somalis are said to refuse to assimilate, won’t learn our language, insist on maintaining their culture, and stay isolated from mainstream society, mostly out of fear of discrimination. Where have we heard this before?

So what does this all have to do with St. Cloud’s once and present fractured community. I believe this history provides some backstory that has value in helping us see more of these issues more clearly. I’m not certain why, but I have yet to see anyone address the St Cloud area’s past. Having been born and raised in St. Cloud I have experienced examples of this insulated worldview. It is quite real

Now, while tangible and not insignificant these problems are not as prevalent as some would want you to think. Click bait headlines and superficial journalistic works that depended on sources with agendas have shone a brighter light on our bad behavior than good. The majority of St. Cloud’s predominantly Christian citizens have, as admonished by Jesus, welcomed and accepted the immigrant as children of god. Besides, unbeknownst to many, as is shown by people’s comments, it is said that Muslims worship a different god than Christians, which is patently untrue. This only one of the sad misunderstandings we suffer. 

Prominent among the complaints is that Somali Muslims are ‘stealing’ our hard earned tax dollars by getting ‘free’ stuff while our unfortunate veterans are homeless and poor white people get nothing from government. While these things have been proven by professional investigation to be untrue the narrative refuses to die. Unbeknownst to many, as is shown by people’s comments, it is said that Muslims worship a different god than Christians, which is patently untrue. These are only several of the sad misunderstandings from which we suffer. 

The fact that the Muslim community spends most of their money locally, helping many of our small businesses thrive, and contributing to the tax base is lost on many. The Somali entrepreneurial spirit thrives. These positive contributions of the Somali community to St. Cloud far outweigh their perceived harm.

It is these misconceptions that non-profit organization such as Unitecloud and the many other white, Christian friends of the mostly Somali Muslims look to clear up. There is a conscious and concerted effort to bring the leaders of the not so thinly veiled anti-immigrant groups such as C-Cubed together with Muslim leaders and white allies for open, honest and respectful conversation.

This dialogue between people who are equal in the eyes of god can only lead to a better understanding of each other and bring St. Cloud closer together, perhaps only modestly but in a meaningful way, and point us toward the kind of equity needed not only here, but nationwide.

I find it sad looking back on what I have said here. I find myself angry about spending most of my time talking about both real and alleged damage done to St. Cloud. Damage wreaked by any number of people, many of whom could still be considered to be without rancor.

Sometimes I am overtaken by grief and despair by all of this, unable to see an exit from the anguish felt by so many in this city. But on other days I see the light of hope peaking in. St. Cloud is filled with talented artists and musicians, aspiring students, dedicated professionals in many fields, skilled artisans and accomplished hard working essential workers. It is truly a good place to live.

These are all good people and I love them, as do a large majority of us love each other. I work very hard at loving even those frightened souls who disparage those they do not know or understand. I work very hard to discover and change the biases and privileges inside me, living just underneath consciousness, that keep me apart from others and sadly rear their darkness, diminishing me.

I intend to keep fighting for joy and justice.

Everybody gets their say and so do I.

Faced with what they perceived as the crisis of a failure to establish their ideology as dominant in American politics, the radical conservatives of the 1970’s took to a new strategy. Rather than appeal to the people directly, which wasn’t quite working, they chose to use their money to create a middle man who would influence the people in a more subtle, indirect way. They began to buy up media outlets and established think tanks that employed bright young minds with the sole task of creating strategies and policies, plus the language that would effectively promote their ideology through those same media outlets. A wise and effective plan.

Why do I bring this up at a time when there are plenty of things that are devastating our democracy to think about. It’s because there are so many things threatening to destroy our democracy we must do something about. We on the left need to do a similar thing as was done by the far right nearly 50 years ago. We need a new strategy. We need to create positions for bright young minds to concentrate solely on finding a synthesis of viable solutions to the myriad existential problems we face. We need to point ourselves to a better use of persuasive language. And we need to facilitate the infrastructure and resources needed to pull this off.

Now, unlike the conservatives of the Nixon era, we don’t have the financial resources to both do this and purchase those means of distributing our ideas to the public. Besides, the conservative owners of major media in America aren’t about to hand over their powerful tool of communication to any “Libtards”. So to establish a majority will of the nation to force government into embracing workable solutions we must find a more organic means of persuasion. This organism can only be formed by the people, who, as in many times past, will use their true, pure power to gently help enough people reconnect with the values that have AMAG (Always Made America Great).

The resources, both financial and human, have always been there. We just need to quit being whiny egoistic babies and agree that no one issue is greater than any other. We must accept that the many critical issues that face us, when looked at collectively as they must, can only be addressed by working on them synthetically, as parts of a whole, rather than analytically, as just parts.

I ask if the actual rather than imagined demise of life on the planet is worth, metaphorically, having 100 people speaking with one voice rather than 100 people speaking in a Babelesque hundred voices. Frankly, I have had it up to beyond here. As you know, I am not immune to this behavior. Far from it. I am one of it’s most virulent practioners. To succeed, what I need to do is sequester myself away with some coffee, Laphroaig, and pizza (and more Laphroaig) until I am able to take a course of action. (Action is a type of actually doing something instead of just talking about it for those of you unfamiliar with the concept).

If I can’t be the point of the spear, for which I have never been hard enough, I will enter the crucible of surrender to truth, and temper myself into a functioning part of the strong shaft.

I owe it to you all out of respect for the divine gift of conscious occupation of this, my form that I lease from the universe.

None of us can afford to break the terms of our lease on life.

A Case of Invisible Sexism

Recently an airline pilot was heroic in bringing in an airline’s broken plane that had struck one passenger with mortal injuries and threatened the entire crew and passengers with the same fate. This pilot’s ability to perform under extreme pressure, ultimately saving lives, was rightfully praised. Bravo to the ex-navy fighter pilot with “nerves of steel”.

Tammie Jo Schults was this cool, calm, collected pilot. I will admit media coverage wasn’t atrocious. Coverage of the near tragedy itself did not particularly single out Tammie’s gender. Journalists are making efforts to catch up with the curve

But when women do something outstanding there is still the strong urge to emphasize the fact. I am an aging middle-class white cisgender male. My limited understanding of the gender issues of today tells me that the eventual goal of those fighting for women’s equity, in all areas of society, is for coverage of events of this nature to be virtually the same. The only changes between the woman hero and the man in the article or broadcast would be the names.

It seems modern journalists can’t seem to avoid overcompensation. In the midst of good treatment of the fact that the protagonist of the story identifies as female, they are compelled to find something somewhere to go on and on about.

I have read numerous accounts of this striking news story and a large number of them went off on the fact that the modest pilot didn’t want her name out in public and they had to go to passengers and relatives to find out who she was.

They also made a big deal of how she was among the first female fighter pilots in the Navy and how she had tried to get into an Air Force program but was rejected because she was a woman. They went on and on. This portion of the articles was usually made the main focus and took up more column inches than the description of the incident itself.

I’m not saying that a male pilot’s background would not be appropriate for inclusion in this sort of article. Far from it. The back story is an important part of any human interest story.

I am simply contending that if this had been a male pilot the segment on his background would have been one or two paragraphs, a simple exposition of facts. It would not have been a major part of the article.

As we move into a new phase of understanding a more subtle and invisible sexism people will have to continue digging deeper inside themselves. Even women won’t escape the uncomfortable awareness of truths that are buried in the subconscious. We will all have to listen carefully to the women who have liberated these truths and dedicate themselves to educating an evolving world.

This is hard work. You meet a part of yourself you don’t want to know. And it’s not the only work you are called to do. We have to manage somehow to live together with many who think these efforts are a bunch of BS. We have to search inside and find our racism, our religious prejudices, our unique and shameful treatment of natives, our support of the inequities of economic hierarchies, our faith in a flawed original constitution. and more.

I am always careful to include disclaimers in my works. My posts are my observations and visions and are not intended to be a claim of authority. They are my relative truths and never designed to be the absolute truth.

I am certain I have a mountain of things to learn about this topic. Please get in touch with me if I have totally screwed up somewhere. My opinion is mine alone. But the truth that serves everyone must be shared.

Knowledge is power.